A pretty touchy subject today…
In a perfect world, we all love our parents and have a mother and father who love and nurture us in every way. From when we are young, they are there for us and show us the right path. We either stay close to them or we push our parents away as soon as we enter high school and then love them again once we’ve reached adulthood.
While it sounds nice, it is not the case for many. Some of us happen to have very manipulative parents and come from a dysfunctional family. Our parents’ behavior is self-centered, self-righteous, and controlling.
Is your mom or dad so overbearing that your relationship is affected? Do they constantly bring you their problems and tasks expecting you to be their savior? Or are they simply not there for you and only appear when they need you? Do they constantly make you feel guilty? Are you constantly bailing them out of their problems because they don’t have it together? There are some situations that you have to put a stop to or you’ll be stuck forever.
Signs of manipulative parents
Manipulative parents may not be aware of what they are doing. They’ve been part of a dysfunctional family forever and are totally oblivious to their actions. Some of you may have a parent who has one or more of these traits and you are probably tired of dealing with it or you never even knew that what they are doing is causing problems.
Here are a few signs…
You have a problem when they:
- Act like children.
- Feed off of you however they can.
- Make you feel guilty.
- Act like you owe them.
- Use you.
- Only think of themselves.
- Smother you.
- Take away their affection if you don’t do what they want you to do.
- Discourage you about your dreams, saying they are impossible or crazy.
- Always makes you feel bad so you do things for them.
- Interfere with your life, work, relationships, marriage.
- Flood you with their drama taking you away from problems of your own.
Trust your heart. If you feel like what your parents are doing to you is wrong- it most likely is.
How they affect you
We can’t change our parents or make them think differently. We also can’t expect them to treat us differently unless we set boundaries. An issue that affects a lot of adult relationships is when one of your parents interferes. This is a huge problem when you are in a relationship, and even more so when you are married. If you are still dealing with it, you have to nip it in the bud because when you made those vows, you agreed to separate from your parents and join your partner. What does that mean? Cut the umbilical cord and stand up for yourself!
If you don’t do something about it now, your relationship with them or your other half is going to suffer tremendously. Don’t let them suck your energy with their repetitive issues.
You may notice that when they call you with their drama, your mood goes down from having just been happy. You feel stressed. Why? Because they just dumped their drama on you.
If you are still dependent on them somehow, or if you are an adult and you still live with them, you have to start working on a way to take control of your own life.
Drawing the line
When you are an adult and you have a manipulative parent who is causing this many issues in your life, it is time to put a stop to it before your relationship is affected.
The main factor to keep in mind is that you should always have the respect for them. Not only are they your parent no matter what age you are, you should also set an example of what treatment you want from them. Be there for them as long as you don’t end up becoming their parent. Then, you have a problem. Here’s how to draw the line:
- Be confident- I know you don’t want to hurt their feelings but you have to be confident in who you are and the adult you’ve become. If your parents love you, they will learn to respect your life and the boundaries you set.
- Say No- Learn to say no to them. If you start now, they will think twice before they bring their “baggage” to you. Don’t keep enabling them to come to you for rescue. You can’t always be their crutch.
- Be an example- Show them that you are not like them and that you’re in control of your life and your own destiny. Don’t follow in the same footsteps. You know how their actions have affected you. Set an example for them. Now be determined to act differently towards your own children.
“Destiny is not a matter of chance, it’s a matter of choice.” ~Unknown
A little disclaimer:
This does not have to do with those of you who have a parent who really does need you. You know the circumstance. We have no control over the family that we were born into. It’s up to us to be aware of our boundaries and when we are being used and abused. Sometimes, we really do have to be there for a parent who has no one else but us. In that event, the right thing to do is to be there for them.
Dealing with a situation like this is difficult but you’ll thank yourself for standing up to it. Start now and get them to back off!
Now the floor goes to you. Do you have a parent that falls into this category? Or are you dealing with the in-laws? Tell me your story in the comments below!
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Take care and overcome!